Easy Day

I cannot tell you how much I wish June 8th was just another lost and forgotten day in my busy life....but it's not. June 8th is such a bittersweet day for me and my family because 5 years ago today I was sitting at a courtroom desk with 2 of my highly paid lawyers, my family sitting behind me on the benches sniffling, clearing their throats, embracing each other, wondering if they just gave me a hug for the last time as a free man or if they will be talking to me behind a piece of glass for the rest of our lives.  The memory physically makes me ill, embarrassed......depressed.

12 people who you've never met or talked to personally are about to tell the court your fate in life.  The intimacy between the defendant and the jury is something very dark.  You wish you could read their mind, they wish they could read yours, but the fact is, for the last 2 weeks they have been studying your every move, every reaction, and listening to 2 sides of 1 story to decide one thing...'Is he telling the truth?'  I was.

I just read an article from my trial that was written the day after I was acquitted. I do this every year at this time to remind myself the pain I caused to so many people.  When I think back about being in jail while my parents lay awake at night worrying, or my friends having to take the stand for me and see the pain in their face when they are drilled by the prosecutor, I want to die.  The pain I caused others is what keeps me motivated to be a better person.  I learned from my mistakes and it's a shame some don't.  I'm writing this blog not for you to feel sorry for me, or feel sorry for anyone for that matter.  I made my mistakes and take full responsibility for them.  I just want to let everyone know that they are not alone in this world, I have a million feelings and experiences I'd love to share if someone needs help.

Most people couldn't empathize with me at the time of my trial.  To this day they say, "I can't imagine how you got through facing 60 years in prison."  I explain it like this......take the worse situation in your life and the worse you have ever felt, that is exactly how I felt.  The worse thing that has ever happened to you is the same feeling as the worse thing that has ever happened to anyone.  Some deal with it differently, better, worse, but we all deal with it.  In the end it makes us stronger no matter what way it turns out.  I like to compare life's experiences to the time I spend in the gym since it is so therapeutic for me. 

There are so many motivational phrases to psych yourself and your training partners up when you're killing it in the gym: "Light Weight!" "No Problem!" "Come on get it!" "This shit is nothing!" "Keep going, you ain't done yet!"......the list goes on and on.  I'm a simple guy so we use a simple term, "Easy Day".  That's it.  We don't scream too much, we don't act like it's light when it's not, we think for a second and just say, "Easy Day".  We choose to be at the gym, we choose to train, we choose this because it is what we love.  How much easier could your day get than doing what you love?  It is an easy day no matter how hard it seems....we have all had bad days and this ain't it.  When I would have a really bad day and didn't feel like getting out of bed or even being alive my mom would say, "Just take this situation 1 day at a time, 1 hour at a time, 1 minute at a time.  Break it down to getting through just one more minute of life without crumbling and go from there."  I still use that today.  Just get through one more minute, one more set, one more rep.....and we'll go from there.  Easy day.

BTW: it happens to be my best friend's birthday today too so happy birthday Tank.  Love you buddy.