Lost Reps

Today was back day at the gym.  To most of us back day is just another day in the books but to me it's more than that.  I really look forward to training back, not only because I love it, but because I get to train with a couple guys most people only read about in magazines and on supplement labels.  Pete and Derik both have big shows coming up and the closer they get to show time the more focused they become.  I've really noticed it in the last few weeks, that every rep is accounted for.  Tonight while we were doing rows Pete was squeezing out one last rep and I thought to myself, 'What if he would have lost that rep?'  What if he never did that one last rep?  I probably wouldn't have noticed.  Nobody would have even known that he had it in him to do just one more but decided not to.  Like I always do I kind of lost myself in a thought....

Lost reps.  I'm sure we've all done it.  Knew we could get one more good rep but decided to save it for a later workout.  Think about if you did it once a day.  That's 260 lost reps a year which is about a whole day lost at the gym.  Most of my habits at the gym are subconsciously converted into my day to day life.  The reps I was losing when I was younger got me in a lot of trouble.  Those lost reps don't just disappear, they turn into unused time and energy which for me turns into trouble.  (Idle hands are the devils playground)  I really try every single day to not lose a rep.  If you start losing reps then you aren't living up to your potential, and not living up to your potential doesn't do anyone any good.  

Living in an area where there is an abundance of drugs and alcohol might be a distraction to some people but to me it's nothing but motivation.  I get wasted guys and girls coming into my shop every day embarrassing themselves and all it does is make me want to be better than them.  It's ok to feel better than someone else if you are truly a better person than them.  I always think, where would I be in life right now without wasting all my time, energy, and money on partying when I was young?  Where would I be in life if I didn't lose those thousands of reps? 

A couple weeks ago Derik wrote a blog about all the "Geek" stuff he's into and after Steph and I read it she said, "Derik is really talented".  I thought, well he's pretty much devoted his life to fitness and instead of wasting his down time on getting wasted, he learned to; draw, wrestle, roller skate, race bikes, Active Release Therapy, personal train, teach personal training, learn everything there is to know about supplementation and nutrition, and happened to become a IFBB pro bodybuilder to boot and I'm sure a plethora of other things.  What if everyone in the world quit losing reps and started living up to their potential?  Bettering yourself to make those around you better.   

My good friend and business partner Scott said the other day that he surrounds himself with people who are better at certain things than he is in order to learn and grow and become a better person.  Maybe people do notice you squeezing out that one last rep after all.

Strength in Pain

There are two ways you can deal with pain whether it be emotional or physical.  You can find strength in pain or you will find weakness in pain.  I learned this at an early age and I'm not talking about the pain you get from skinning you knee.  When I was 17 I watch my best friend take his final breath and I didn't know it at the time but looking back that was the first time I truly felt pain.  It has been almost exactly 10 years since Ryan passed away and I've been thinking about him a lot lately.  As we humans do, especially me, I had to learn the hard way on how to deal with the pain I was feeling.

I tried to be the strong one.  I didn't know what the fuck that meant at the time and I still have trouble understanding someone when they tell you to stay strong during a traumatic situation.  I guess it's just something people say because there really aren't any words to satisfy your sadness.  I had to learn how to deal with the pain I felt from losing someone I loved and related to so well.  Ryan was one of the first people I could be completely honest with.  He totally understood me.  After he died I felt weak, I felt depressed, I felt lonely, and needed something to fill the void life leaves you.  I started drinking a lot and experimenting with drugs.  I'd black out at a party and wake up at the cemetery, my truck parked against a tree.  This went on for years and I simply couldn't get over it and thought I never would.  In some ways I haven't.

The older I get the more emotionally callused I become.  Steph tells me this sometimes because I never cry.  I don't like the idea of having no emotion so I really started thinking of the reasons why I am so emotionally detached.  The revelation hit me 5 months ago when my brother was dying in the hospital.  It was the first time in years I had felt pain.  Real pain, not the type you feel from skinning your knee.  The difference this time was I didn't deal with it by using drugs and alcohol.  I tried to deal with it in a more positive way.  I pushed myself harder and harder at the gym.  I tried to think about my brother and how strong he really is and how I don't want to be weak.  I want to be strong like my big brother.  The emotional pain had to be converted into strength or life would get the better hand and I'd become weak.  And who the hell wants to be weak?  The only way I know how to deal with pain now is to turn it into strength.  Just like at the gym, the harder you push, the more pain you feel, the stronger you become.   I realized that I'm not emotionally detached or callused at all........I'm stronger.

Maybe that's what life is all about.  The learning curve of dealing with situations and changing the way you react in times of trouble.  Funny how you go through the motions and don't understand how or why you are acting the way you are until you look back and see what path you took.

 

Everything in between

So here it goes....

Life sure has done a complete 180 degree turn around from where I was 5 years ago.  I grew up in a small town outside of Chicago and always dreamed of moving to California and chasing whiskey, women, and gold.  Needless to say I finally made it out to California but instead of chasing those things I continued on a different journey.  My better half, (Steph), always says, "Everything happens for a reason".  The more I live the more I believe that.  Instead of my selfish intentions I had when I was younger I have really tried in the last 5 years to better those around me by bettering myself.

All the negative and selfish actions I took when I was younger transformed into negative results.  I got in tons of trouble and hurt a lot of people on my way down my own personal spiral of hell.  I ended up 22 years old, sitting in a jail cell asking myself, "Is this really what I want to do with my time on earth?"  The answer I came up with was a definite "No."  From that moment forward I've tried very hard to change my life around.  What I needed was a new beginning and that's when my dream of San Diego was reborn and reevaluated.

Like any great man in history they have had a great counterpart and mine is my girlfriend Stephanie.  She has gotten me through the toughest time in my life and brought joy to the happiest times in my life.  I'm so happy and proud that she has found the bodybuilding lifestyle and really ran with it as well as anyone can.

I've been training for 12 years and have always trained hard and heavy.  I played football in high school and graduated at 155 pounds but benching close to 300 pounds.  I was bench pressing and squating more than the offensive linemen as a defensive back.  So I've always been strong for my weight and still train hard and heavy.  I had the drive and ability to grow muscle but I didn't have the discipline until about 5 years ago when I changed my lifestyle and started researching nutrition and supplementation.  I gained 20 pounds the summer of 2006 and have kept improving ever since.

Signing up for World Gym San Diego was one of the best moves Steph and I have ever made.  I thought I knew what I was doing until I met the Freaks at Worlds!  I mean that in the most complimentary way possible.  The knowledge I have obtained from our friends at the gym is first of all very appreciated and very valuable.  This blog won't always be about the gym but more about my life and the experiences life brings me. The gym is a huge part of my life but not the only thing I love.

I train because it keeps me out of trouble.  Some people train to gain what their perception of perfection is, some people train because they are too short to do anything else, some people train because it's "Time to grow" (which seems like all the time).  I train because I have a hard time staying out of trouble.  I need to occupy my time with something positive or those negative thoughts start to creep in my brain.  I can't help it, it's just the way I'm built so I struggle every day to keep my mind on the right path.  Friends ask me if I ever think about competing in bodybuilding or powerlifting, I'm sure I will some day but for right now I feel like every day is a competition between my mind and body in the gym and that is satisfying enough at this point.

Now that I got that out of the way, I hope you look forward to new blogs about the gym, training, friends, traveling, motorsports, and anything else I can get my dirty hands on.