Lost Reps

Today was back day at the gym.  To most of us back day is just another day in the books but to me it's more than that.  I really look forward to training back, not only because I love it, but because I get to train with a couple guys most people only read about in magazines and on supplement labels.  Pete and Derik both have big shows coming up and the closer they get to show time the more focused they become.  I've really noticed it in the last few weeks, that every rep is accounted for.  Tonight while we were doing rows Pete was squeezing out one last rep and I thought to myself, 'What if he would have lost that rep?'  What if he never did that one last rep?  I probably wouldn't have noticed.  Nobody would have even known that he had it in him to do just one more but decided not to.  Like I always do I kind of lost myself in a thought....

Lost reps.  I'm sure we've all done it.  Knew we could get one more good rep but decided to save it for a later workout.  Think about if you did it once a day.  That's 260 lost reps a year which is about a whole day lost at the gym.  Most of my habits at the gym are subconsciously converted into my day to day life.  The reps I was losing when I was younger got me in a lot of trouble.  Those lost reps don't just disappear, they turn into unused time and energy which for me turns into trouble.  (Idle hands are the devils playground)  I really try every single day to not lose a rep.  If you start losing reps then you aren't living up to your potential, and not living up to your potential doesn't do anyone any good.  

Living in an area where there is an abundance of drugs and alcohol might be a distraction to some people but to me it's nothing but motivation.  I get wasted guys and girls coming into my shop every day embarrassing themselves and all it does is make me want to be better than them.  It's ok to feel better than someone else if you are truly a better person than them.  I always think, where would I be in life right now without wasting all my time, energy, and money on partying when I was young?  Where would I be in life if I didn't lose those thousands of reps? 

A couple weeks ago Derik wrote a blog about all the "Geek" stuff he's into and after Steph and I read it she said, "Derik is really talented".  I thought, well he's pretty much devoted his life to fitness and instead of wasting his down time on getting wasted, he learned to; draw, wrestle, roller skate, race bikes, Active Release Therapy, personal train, teach personal training, learn everything there is to know about supplementation and nutrition, and happened to become a IFBB pro bodybuilder to boot and I'm sure a plethora of other things.  What if everyone in the world quit losing reps and started living up to their potential?  Bettering yourself to make those around you better.   

My good friend and business partner Scott said the other day that he surrounds himself with people who are better at certain things than he is in order to learn and grow and become a better person.  Maybe people do notice you squeezing out that one last rep after all.

Strength in Pain

There are two ways you can deal with pain whether it be emotional or physical.  You can find strength in pain or you will find weakness in pain.  I learned this at an early age and I'm not talking about the pain you get from skinning you knee.  When I was 17 I watch my best friend take his final breath and I didn't know it at the time but looking back that was the first time I truly felt pain.  It has been almost exactly 10 years since Ryan passed away and I've been thinking about him a lot lately.  As we humans do, especially me, I had to learn the hard way on how to deal with the pain I was feeling.

I tried to be the strong one.  I didn't know what the fuck that meant at the time and I still have trouble understanding someone when they tell you to stay strong during a traumatic situation.  I guess it's just something people say because there really aren't any words to satisfy your sadness.  I had to learn how to deal with the pain I felt from losing someone I loved and related to so well.  Ryan was one of the first people I could be completely honest with.  He totally understood me.  After he died I felt weak, I felt depressed, I felt lonely, and needed something to fill the void life leaves you.  I started drinking a lot and experimenting with drugs.  I'd black out at a party and wake up at the cemetery, my truck parked against a tree.  This went on for years and I simply couldn't get over it and thought I never would.  In some ways I haven't.

The older I get the more emotionally callused I become.  Steph tells me this sometimes because I never cry.  I don't like the idea of having no emotion so I really started thinking of the reasons why I am so emotionally detached.  The revelation hit me 5 months ago when my brother was dying in the hospital.  It was the first time in years I had felt pain.  Real pain, not the type you feel from skinning your knee.  The difference this time was I didn't deal with it by using drugs and alcohol.  I tried to deal with it in a more positive way.  I pushed myself harder and harder at the gym.  I tried to think about my brother and how strong he really is and how I don't want to be weak.  I want to be strong like my big brother.  The emotional pain had to be converted into strength or life would get the better hand and I'd become weak.  And who the hell wants to be weak?  The only way I know how to deal with pain now is to turn it into strength.  Just like at the gym, the harder you push, the more pain you feel, the stronger you become.   I realized that I'm not emotionally detached or callused at all........I'm stronger.

Maybe that's what life is all about.  The learning curve of dealing with situations and changing the way you react in times of trouble.  Funny how you go through the motions and don't understand how or why you are acting the way you are until you look back and see what path you took.